By QUEEN MACOOMEH
All yuh miss meh? Doh frighten, de people in Share en fire me yet, ah here still causing ruction.
But gorme, yuh really cah open yuh mout again deze days nuh. And it more hard again for people like me who does make dey living opening dey mout. Everybody blood close to dey skin. Everybody have computer to check to see if what you jes say is troot or story, people checking up on yuh pedigree. An worse yet again wid Facebook, people all up in yuh business and people telling yuh more information dan you really entikle to know.
Expressly up here in Icebox Land, people want yuh to be politnically correck. Yuh cah use dis word, or de nex widdout offenning somebody. And for de firse time in my life I seeing people disrespecking de orfice of de President of the United States aksing he where he born. As if yuh could get as far as dat office and nobody en check yuh variables. You cah tell me President Obama reach quite dey and dey en check to see if he nable string bury in Mayaro.
But what I come to tell all yuh is about dis coming Caribana season.
From de few bands I see, competition on de road go be tight. China town selling out bead and underwears as usual. And I suppose dat is de way mas going deze days. Wave after wave of Las Vegas showgirls. Ah grumbling but I really doh see it going back to de way it was, wid clawt costumes, design, creativity and depiction. I was even tinking I should put two bead and a sequin on my Walmart panty and dollar store brassiere and jump in every band what coming down Lakeshore Blvd on July 30. Nobody en go know I not in dere band, ent? In fack it have a girl I does see every year since I born, in all de Caribana bands in a white bra and panty. She belongings to none and she in all.
Dis year too I suppose we go see de orange fowlcoob de bands walking wid nowadays. As much as it does fret me, I understand de reason behine it. Spectators in Caribana doh have carnival sense. Dey doh want to pay and get a costume but dey want to play. So dey does jump wall and scale fence and go in people band and cause disruption and endanger de lives of small chirren. Dey does want to wine up on people and push and pull people girl chirren. Some real tussty disgusting people. So because of dem, we have dis orange fowlcoob netting to bar off we band and spoil de one day we have.
I getting ole and peebish doh. I living nearly my whole life in Toronto and watching how we community progessing. When I firse take a jump for Caribana, it was in Prem Ramsahai band back in 1492. University Avenue, no fowlcoob netting, four band, two steelband, two hundred people, nuff clawt to wear and space to move. Now in 2011, we on Lakeshore, about 16 bands, tens of thousands of people, barricade, netting, security, pohlice, teef, badjohn, shooting, Caribana committees evermore, all of dem say dey in charge and none doing de wuk. No prize money, no seed money, back biting, bobol, bacchanal, lawsuit and lackaray. It nuff to break yuh heart.
If I had a magic stick like Tinkerbell own, I would wave it over dis whole zaffairs. I would disapparate all dem no-teet henchmen who only causing hasecara in my ting. I would make dem get a belly wuk and have to stay home in de latrine. I would wave de stick and form four committees, one for mas, one for pan and one for calypso wid people who know dere wuk and who en coming in de meeting jes to hear deyself talk. De fourt committee go be dere to carry out de wishes of the udda tree, not to gawf up deyself but to be de servant to de art of my culture.
Den ah go wave de stick again and de owners of Lamport Stadium would suddenly decide to sell we de place. We lick it down and put up a staging arena for we big costume wid proper facilities. Ah want a track to line up de mas, so judges could walk down and inspeck de mas closely to make sure no blasted cacapoule come wid a kite paper and flour glue mas to expose he backside on de stage like a man do for de past two years. Ah want dat property in de back of Lamport too, lick down dem building and make a Caribbean Arts Centre to house my people tings. It go have small auditoriums inside so ah could have my dance and acting workshop and classes.
Ah waving de stick again to rid people of de small island vs big island chupidness. So dat Jamaica and Barbados and Trinidad and everybody inbetween could stand togedda up here and represent de region. Dis fractured foolishness we does get on wid is one of de tings dat bussin we backside in dis country.
De stick getting tired but ah waving it once more so dat some of dat profit de City making on we head, going in we bank account. It go be use to educate we chirren, teach we bout weself, get we yutes off de road and out of de mall and into a classroom.
But, I en have no stick, all ah have is hopes and fears for we Caribbean community. Ah playing mas dis year for de first time in 10 years. Ah playing wid a new band dat coming out from Scarborough – Bitter Lemon Mas. Nobody en really want to see me in a bra and panty mas, so ah wearing plenty clawt. If yuh looking fuh a traditional mas experience, yuh should check dem out. Call meh name, I go take de blame.